Day 120: What I have yet to experience

Hi again,
Today marks 4 months since I first started this blog and it is actually somewhat hard to believe it has been that long. As I sit here tonight and think about the past 4 months, I think about how close I came to doing something that I would have missed out on the experiences of the past 4 months and all I have yet to experience. Some of the past 4 months have been very hard and I have been very hurt and sometimes I wish I had ended my life 4 months ago but then I remember the times over the past 4months that have been good and I think about how it would have affected my family and I realize that it would have been the wrong thing to do. Thinking how I almost could have missed out on the good things the past 4 months makes me wonder what I have yet to go through that I would have missed out on. While there will always be people and circumstances that hurt me, there will be moments that cause joy and happiness that I will be happy to be alive. Four months ago I thought nothing could possibly get better and I wouldn't experience anything good but I have. I am thankful now for knowing that I don't know what is around the corner and this whole experience has taught me that. Knowing what I felt 4 months ago and knowing what has happened the past 4 months wassn't always what I expected which causes me to know and understand that we never know what will happen despite thinking we do. When we feel there is no hope and nothing good that can happen-we need to remind ourselves that we really can't be certain it is never going to get better and we need to remember that better stuff can come. Also in terms of being thankful for what I have yet to experience- I am thankful that I will experience lots of great stuff still in my life and while I don't know what it is, I know I can look forward to it. The pain caused and felt today does not determine what my life will be like for the rest of my life. I don't know what I still have yet to experience and that is part of the beauty of life is the unknown and the possibilities and how anything can happen. Knowing that anything can happen and it doesn't have to be how my life has been in the past gives me hope. This is why I am thankful for what I have yet to experience and I thank you for reading my blog and taking this journey with me.